Picture this…two old, out
of shape, fat people…(husband and wife) go to feed and check cows for their son
who is out of town. The wife noticed earlier in the day that two of the
cows have had new babies. When new babies are born they receive a pretty
orange tag in their left ear that matches the numbered tag that their Mother
has. This really needs to be done asap if at all possible!
Well…the son will
not return until Sunday, so the old fat couple must perform this task. While
feeding, the wife observes that the two, very selfish and uncaring, Mother’s
have abandoned their babies for food. The decision is made to hurry and
locate the babies and get them tagged while Mother’s are away. How to
tell which is which? Thankfully, the wife is nosy…I mean observant…and
she knows that the calf born first is larger than the second one. And she
was very clever to remember which Momma was which and what their number was…so
they find baby number one. Husband gets the ear tag ready and tells wife
to “sneak up on baby and catch it…”Hmmmmm….okay, well…she is unsure of exactly
how to do this. Having waited too long to leap, the husband dives on baby and
catches it and the wife stands in back and hollers ‘” what do I do?” He
replies…” get on it, get on it”…well…I must say that when she “ got on” that
poor baby expelled the biggest whoosh of air…poor thing, I know he already
wishes he’d never been born. As they were tagging the calf, the wife
happened to look to her left and what does she see? This big, black momma
cow was running…and I mean Forrest Gump, runnnnning, right for
them. Just before she got to them she caught sight of the dog and decides
to go after it instead…whew! Turns out that this wasn’t even the Mother of the
new baby. Apparently this “woman” had been left in charge of the children
and had abandoned her post for food. ( I’m sure that’s the last time she gets
asked to babysit)
Now, on to baby number
two.
“Where is it?” ask the husband. Well, nosy, oh yea, I mean
observant wife, points to where she last saw mother and child. They find
the baby…this baby gets tagged without mishap because the Mother, it looks
like, may turn out to be an unfit parent. The wife has noticed her being
very neglectful of her new baby all day. There have been no signs of
“oh…come see! He looks just like his Daddy! He has his mothers
feet! I was in labor for…”. After the baby was tagged and let go, he decided to
“RUNNOFT” (Oh Brother Where Art Thou”!!!!) Anyway…back to my story!
Well…he heads for the woods that are in front of the couples house. Goes
down the steep hill and halfway back up the other side and lays down and is “
very, very, quiet”. Husband goes one way, wife another and the deaf
dog comes along to help. Please keep in mind that it is cold, wet and
very physical…remember to, the words at the beginning of this story…old, out of
shape and fat!!!!
Okay…am running out of time and must cut to the chase…yes, it
was a chase. Down the hill…up the hill…under the fence…across the road…under
another fence…in the neighbors pasture…back under the fence…back down the
hill…up the hill…across the water…through the thicket and briers…across the
snow covered hill to the pond…
Now, you must understand
that the husband is hollering instructions AT the wife, wife is cussing
the Mother of said baby, and threatening her with a call to DHS and wife is
hollering at DEAF dog…(a lot of good that did)! This chase took about the span
of one hour!
Moral to the story...be careful of offering to watch your neighbors cows!
You may get more than you bargain for!
